CURBSIDE ETIQUETTE

Through the Eyes of a Delivery Goddess





Below you will find links to dates when new entries are added. The stories will not necessarily be in chronological order, but rather as I remember them. I am dating them so that you can skip to new ones you haven't read since the last time you visited, and so that you are more easily able to find something you found humorous to share with others.



A Curbside New Year's Eve


  I thought perhaps you'd all like to know how we spent our New Year's Eve 2010 into 2011. Wow, that's hart to write - 2011. As you know, Bob and I work overnight delivering newspapers; we don't start until about 3am; by that time, anyone who shouldn't be on the roads is passed out somewhere, so it's probably, actually, the safest night of the year. During the day of December 31, 2010, Bob took his granddaughters shopping for their After-Christmas-Bargain Christmas presents, and I went to the junkyard to work for the day. I didn't punch in - I didn't expect to do much work. I cooked lunch for the crew and actually ended up doing a lot more than I expected.

I'll have to start with Thursday December 30 for you to get the whole picture. The Junkyard is contracted by the city of Pittsburgh to tow cars out of the City Limits to our property as an Impound Lot. These cars fall under the "abandoned" catagory which is any vehicle that isn't road worthy and is touching city property. If a car is under a tarp, parked in your back yard awaiting a current inspection or registration, but the tires are touching the sidewalk by a couple of inches, the cops have permission to tow the car as "abandoned" because it's not road worthy and is on city property. Dumb, but true. The cops are usually more reasonable than that, it's a permissible extreme. Thursday, our driver towed in a light blue 1991 Chevy Cavalier that really looked abandoned. It had run out of inspection October 31, 2010, so it's only been illegal for a couple of months. The owner, had all of the necessary parts for passing inspection in the back seat of the car, and had the inspection scheduled for Thursday, but didn't get out of bed fast enough to take his car to the shop - the cops beat him to it. Everyone seems to have the same story when we tow thier car... "but, I was gonna take it today..." . Right.

Thursday afternoon, John called looking for his car - talked to Mr.D for almost an hour. He called back several times, and Mr.D continued to tell him we didn't have the paperwork for his car yet, our driver wasn't back from Pittsburgh. He called again around 5pm, and he finally got me at this end of the phone. He asked for instructions to reclaim his car, then mentioned his son had stolen his ID and information from him that he was going to need to reclaim his car. At first, he seemed very sharp and worldly. He explained that he was a Seargant-Major in the Korean War, and how many men were within his direction (which makes him 77 years old). He explained how his wife died at 42 from Cancer and he'd never remarried, and how his son got tangled in drugs and stole everything - all of his war medals and such from him. He talked for an hour before I realized that he was, first, going to be difficult to get off the phone, and second, he was starting to repeat himself. OK - maybe not as sharp as I originally thought. After 90 minutes ticked by, I was beginning to make attempts at ending the conversation. Bob was calling me to find out when I was coming home, as it was now starting to approach 7pm. Mr.P our parts manager felt bad, and picked up the extension. He tried to tell the gent that we needed the phone, but he did not seem to grasp the concept. Mr.P motioned for me to go ahead and leave - I thanked him and ran out the door. Friday, when I asked Mr.P how long John our decorated War Vet had kept him on the phone, he said it was at least another half hour. John called back at 9pm and talked to Mr.D for another hour before Mr.D could get him off the phone. On Friday, it was nearly 4:30pm when John graced our doorways to retrieve his broken down, powder blue Cavalier. He had tons of small scraps of paper he was carrying in his many pockets - several pockets on the inside and outside of his coat and his pants pockets were all stuffed with scraps of paper. A younger fellow stuck his head in the office, explaining he was the neighbor John coaxed to ride him out to the boonies for his car. He then told us they'd left Pittsburgh around 9:30 am and had been driving around lost for the past six hours or so. His patience for John had worn less than thin at this point, and he'd be waiting in his car enjoying the peace. John checked each of his ten or twelve pockets four or five times, looking for the old driver's license he thought he had. Mr.P picked up one of the stacks of paper and John made sure Mr.P knew how much he disapproved of someone else handling his "stuff". Finally, at 6pm I agreed to photo copy anything John found in his pockets that had his name and address on it - even though it was not his driver's license and car title required by the state of Pennsylvania to reclaim an impounded vehicle. I decided I didn't care if the state came in for a suprise inspection or not, I was taking whatever I could make him believe I needed. His disgruntled chauffuer came back in threatening to leave him if he didn't hurry. Well, in John's mental state- hurrying him only flustered him and slowed him down because now, he was stressing over being pushed. We offered to call Triple A. John protested, but Mr.P picked up the phone and called anyway. When John could not understand the AAA dispatcher wanted the location of the CAR, not where he lived, I was rude and picked up the extension phone and talked over top of John. He glared at me - I expained quietly to the dispatcher that John was 77 and not real clear, please just come get his car. Of course, Triple A doesn't like to tow anything that's not an emergency, and being asked to tow an impound at 7pm New Year's Eve was almost laughable. Mr.P grabbed the phone from me while John dug through his pockets looking for a credit card. Oh no - another 90 minutes of digging through all twelve pockets again! The neighbor started to blow the horn. Mr.P was on hold with AAA, I whispered as I walked by him on my way outside to try and pacify the neighbor, who's daughter from Raliegh North Carolina apparently showed up to visit while he had been out all day long with our War Hero, "If they say NO, just say OK and I'll pay one of our regular tow trucks tomorrow to come get it. Let John think AAA is coming." Mr.P got confrimation that AAA would come, then persuaded John to give us cash instead of a credit card while I was outside. The more we told him his neighbor was leaving, the slower he moved and complained about being interrupted while he was looking for the necessary items we needed. When I returned, John had found about $120 of the $160 he owed, and I said "That's good- that'll cover it." He continued to dig and came up with about $156 of the $160 he owed, so I begged him to give up looking for any more. Mr.P asked him for his car keys, and he said he'd need them. Mr.P pointed out he couldn't drive his car if it was here, and that the garage to where it was being towed would need the keys. He finally agreed to the ignition key, but the doors were locked. Mr.P was able to convince John that the doors had been left open, and there was no need to stay with us any longer, and his ride was impatiently waiting. John lost his temper with us, stating sternly he'd heard us the first ten times. I felt bad for the fellow. I too, tend to be a bit slow and what my mother calls "bumbling", and I hate to be pushed, too. But John had already taken up ten hours of time from a neighbor he barely knew, and it was time to just make him angry and push him on his way.

I couldn't help but think as I drove home, that he probably shouldn't be driving anyway. How horrible of me to think that way, but honestly, I can't imagine him being able to putter along at more than fifteen or twenty miles per hour. Oh, he's probably never been IN an accident, but how many has he caused, and perhaps, not even known?

I stayed home from the junkyard New Year's Day and worked on a couple of computers - Bob seems to have a Kidney stone. I am hoping the old cliche about "doing the rest of the year what you did on New Year's Day" does not hold true ... for Bob's sake!!

Happy Good-Riddance 2010, from Curbside Etiquette.