CURBSIDE ETIQUETTE

Through the Eyes of a Delivery Goddess





Below you will find links to dates when new entries are added. The stories will not necessarily be in chronological order, but rather as I remember them. I am dating them so that you can skip to new ones you haven't read since the last time you visited, and so that you are more easily able to find something you found humorous to share with others.



Victim of Boredom


When I got up at 1am this morning, I was kind of bummed that I hadn't written a few installments of Curbside Etiquette ahead of time, but was running late enough that I didn't have time to sit and pull something from the memory bank. It turned out to be a good thing; I had some thoughts to share from this morning's time out on the delivery path.

I pick up the NY Times around 2am in Wexford, and get about 80% of those delivered before I head to the Post Gazette to pick up the rest of my papers for the day. As I pulled out of the Richland Township Library this morning, which is right next to the police station ... which is usually empty at night while they're all out looking for people to harrass ... there was a police cruiser heading toward me on the main road. I waited for him to drive by so I could pull out of the Library's driveway. He stopped to let me out. I waited, knowing I'd be pulling off again within a mile. He waited, finally blinked his lights for me to pull out in front of him. This is NEVER a good sign - he wants to see my license plate and find a reason to write me a ticket. I pulled out, drove my mile down the road and used my turn signal (something else I don't always do at 3am) to turn into a housing plan. He hit his lights on to pull me over by the fourth or fifth driveway. I really don't have time for these games, but, I pulled over and waited for him to approach my car. Usually, I have stacks of newspaper in the front and back seat, and once they get close to the car and can see inside, they say, "Oh- are you delivering news papers?" Just once I'd like to say, "No, I'm driving around at 3am looking for a good quiet place to do some reading". BUT, I never get smart immediatly, so I was waiting to see what he'd say to me this morning. Since I only have about 15 NY Times, and about 20 other various financial papers, everything was bagged and on the front passenger side floor. No obvious stacks on the seats. I turned on the interior light so he could see inside the car without pointing that stupid flashlight into my eyes. I don't know if any of you have been pulled over recently, but they are now equipping all of the police cars with an LED light that shines about 2 million candle-power RIGHT into the mirror on the perpetrator's car door, and let me tell you ... IT'S BLINDING, especially after your eyes have been looking into the night air for a few hours. I was leaning over toward the passenger seat to keep that search light from piercing through my eyes, so as he approached the car, he said, "Are you asleep?" I said, "No, that light is more than blinding after looking into the darkness for a few hours". He did not appologize, which is the LEAST he could have done, don't you think? He asked what my business was at the municipal building. I said, "I was delivering a NY Times to the Library like I do every night", and I reached down to the floor and picked up a half dozen bagged papers and shoved them out the window at him. He said, "Well, I had to check... one never knows what someone is doing at night". I replied, "I would like to think that no one would be stupid enough to destroy property at the municipal building or library, right next door to the police station." He said, "You'd be suprised". He bid me a good night, and walked back to his car. I shut off my light, and continued on into the housing plan.

Since today is Saturday, the delivery is a bit different than during the work week. USA Todays are not printed or delivered on Saturdays and Sundays, but occasionally, the daily habit bleeds over into the weekend, and I try to turn up a street that I only need to visit Monday through Friday. Today, while in the same housing plan, I started to turn up a street that has only one USA Today customer, but no weekend deliveries, so it was a street down which I did not need to drive. Since it is the last street in the plan that I need to drive on during the week, I usually pull back out of that street and drive back toward the main road. So, this morning, at 3am on a Saturday morning, I did a U-turn in the intersection and turned back toward the main road. Do you believe I could see red and blue lights in my side mirror ... AGAIN??? The original cop turned around, so this was another cop trying to find something to do on a boring night. I pulled over, turned on my interior light and waited for him to catch up. He pulled over behind me, turned on his nifty 2 million candle power LED blaster light, and approached my car. "Do you live here?" I said ,"No, I'm delivering NYTimes in here", and again, stuffed a half dozen blue bags out the window toward him. I was leaning over again, and when he asked why I couldn't sit up straight to talk to him, I replied, "That light is piercing after looking into the darkness for the last three hours. Is it really necessary to point it right at the mirror of the car in front of you?" He was a bit more personable than the first guy - he replied, "Yah, it blinds us as we walk back toward our cars, too". I bit the sentence "I'm glad to hear it" off of the end of my tongue. He was being reasonable, no sense in my true personality getting me into trouble. I assumed that was it - he knew now, that I was delivering papers, and he'd let me go. He said, "Are you aware it is illegal to do a U-turn in the middle of the road?" I said that I was certain that rule did not apply to housing plans at 3am, and I was turning into another road that I suddenly realized did not have any weekend customers on, so I was just heading back to the main road. He said I should have backed into the street and pulled out correctly, but I told him that it was a waste of my brakes and transmission, since I spend all night doing that, and was just saving myself a bit of time and car maintenance. Amazingly enough, he said with a sarcastic tone that I didn't expect, "Ya, OK - sure. ... Just know it's illegal. Be careful out here tonight". I thought to myself, "The only thing I need to be careful about is you idiots out here with nothing to do." Again, though, I refrained.

Now, that's not all. Both of those officers were from Richland Township. Later when I spoke to my friend over the phone who's entire Post Gazette route is in Richland, she said she was seeing a lot of cops for a quiet night. We are used to seeing that kind of blanketing on a prom night, or during the first few weeks after graduation, but not on an uneventful night like last night.

I got back into Hampton Township where I was getting ready to meet up with Bob to swap papers - he was kind enough to bring my Post Gazettes from the depot, and he delivers the NY Times are on his route, so we usually meet at the BP or the Donut Shop where it is well-lit. Just before I knew I was to meet Bob at the BP, I was driving up the road and could see headlights gaining on me at a high rate of speed. I did not change my speed, I was a mile or two over the 35 mph speed limit, not enough to worry about. Darned if the Reds and blues didn't reflect in my mirror... AGAIN! This was getting old. I pulled over and turned on my interior light - he flicked on the sunshine light from his car - but then a wierd thing happened. All of the lights went dark, and he squealed his tires as he pulled from behind me, whizzed past me and continued on out the road. Either he got a more important call, or he decided I was not the car he was looking for. Either way, you can imagine by now, I was mumbling a few choice words at the law enforcement folks. There are so many other people out there who are really breaking laws, or doing something dangerous, and they pick on us paper people because we're driving below the speed limit, on the wrong side of the road, stopping at every other mailbox. Wow - are WE the dangerous ones, or WHAT? !!

One night years ago, I ran across a group of about five boys on bicycles around 4:30 am, and I can only guess they might have been 12 or 13 years old. Later, I asked my neighbor who, at the time, was a cop, and he said, "Don't ever be afraid to call - if those boys weren't already in trouble, they were looking for trouble". Does that mean I can call the cops when I'm being incorrectly targeted, almost harrassed, by other cops? Hmmmm... someone get back to me on that one.