Through the Eyes of a Delivery Goddess |
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As I picked up the pizza bag for my next delivery, our assistant manger Nick said to me, "watch that first step, it's a drop-off". I looked at the address, and shrugged my shoulders at him. He said, "Have you ever been there?" I said I hadn't, and he said, "You're in for a treat - it's the trailer park across from Shop-n-Save. Good Luck". It was dark outside, and many people are kind enough to leave a porch light burning; sometimes even leave the front door open so you have an idea that they MIGHT be the recipients. I got to the trailer park across from Shop-n-Save, it's a driveway that loops down a short hill to make a half circle behind some businesses that are along Route 8. I drove back and forth - I could not see numbers on ANY of the houses, and there was only one light on, but the house itself was dark - it didn't look like anyone was home. I finally called the guy, (modern delivery via cell phone - don't know how we did it in the old days), and immediately he was annoyed with me. I don't recall the exact conversation, but it was something similar to: "I can't believe you don't see me - I see you! I'm right here - I'm blinking the porch light. Are you stupid? I'm the first trailer..." he kept up those kinds of comments non-stop. Finally, he really SCREAMED at me (with more colorful language than I'll use here), "I'm the only trailer up next to the daggoned road, you moron"... or something like that. Well - that changed everything. There was a trailer with an old rusty pick-up truck up next to Rt 8 that looked abandoned; I had disreguarded it and gone down around the loop to the homes that looked more inhabited. Nick had warned me that me that there was a hole right inside this guy's door, and he loves to watch people fall into it and laugh, and that I shouldn't go inside. He has this big hole covered with a rug so no one can see it until they fall through it. I stood on the landing at the top of a set of those fake-cement steps that all trailer parks seem to use (weird, isn't it?) while he rooted for money. He said, "you can step inside", and I replied, "I never step into anyone's home, sir. I'd prefer to stay on the steps, but thanks". He glared at me, obviously angered by my response. He went back to searching through the pockets of his dirty or worn pants strewn all over the couch and chair for money, when you could almost see the light bulb go off over his head..."How about some spaghetti - just made it for dinner tonight"? I kindly said, "Thanks, sir, but I'll pass - if you had spaghetti, then you don't want this pizza, right?" OK - now he's totally annoyed with me. He stood straight up, put one hand on his hip - pointed at me with the other and sternly said, "What? Are you afraid to step inside? Are you afraid of me? ARE YOU AFRAID THERE'S A HOLE INSIDE MY FRONT DOOR?" I dropped my head for a second then looked him right in the eye with a smirk and said, "I've heard rumors..." He reached into the pocket of the jeans he was wearing and pulled out a $20 and said, "Keep it", grabbed his pizza, pretty much slammed the door in my face and shut the light off before I hit the bottom of the steps. I'm not sure you all caught what just happened there - but he pulled the twenty out of his pocket - it was there all along. He pretended to root for money in an effort to find a way to get me to step inside the door and fall through the hole. When I got back to the shop, Nick had already told everyone where I was. Everyone else had apparently been there before, and they all wanted to know if I got any tip at all. I said, "Ya, a little over $4". No one else had ever gotten a tip from him. I related the entire experience, and they agreed, that if there had been such a thing as a Pizza Metal of Honor, it would have been awarded to The Pizza Goddess that night. |