Through the Eyes of a Delivery Goddess |
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This is one of my more favorites to tell: I'm sure everyone's heard it, but ... it's worth putting into writing. Any pizza shop's biggest fear is that order that comes in five minutes before closing, usually on a Friday or Sunday night, for four or more extra large pizzas with tons of toppings. There is a fifty percent chance the order is a fake - someone seeking revenge or a bunch of jerk teenagers hiding in the bushes for a good laugh when the delivery guy shows up at an abandoned building to deliver this huge order. "Ha-Ha ... we cost the pizza shop $40 worth of food... Ha-Ha". If I remember right, this was a Sunday night, nearing 11pm. The order came in for four extra large pizzas with a couple toppings each. I looked at the address and thought, "I don't remember there being any houses on that part of that road", but there is no way to know EVERYTHING about the delivery area, so at 11:05, five minutes after closing, I left with four pizzas and a heart full of skepticism. I turned onto the dark back road and soon ran out of homes, just as I remembered. The other end of the road had a few sparse homes on it as well, so I figured, I'd just drive to the other end to make sure I was correct before turning back to the shop. I think there might have been two miles of dark emptiness when I saw some light through the trees just ahead on the right. Hmmm - I don't remember there being a house way out here... but lo and behold, as I rounded a slight bend, the trees cleared and there was a house sitting down over the hill. I slowed down to a crawl, trying to find the driveway, and as I scanned the landscape looking for the source of the bright lights, I realized they had two four wheel drives parked up next to the road, facing the house with the high beams on. Because the house set down over a hill, the vehicle lights shined onto the roof of the house where two young fellows were trying to install a satellite dish. (Obviously, this was at the beginning of the dish craze, when you were permitted to install your own dish - bet most of you were't even aware of that, were you?). OK - 11:15pm, Sunday night, on the roof, installing a dish by the light of two four wheel drives. It was the correct address, so I had to assume they were the ones ordering the food. I pulled down the driveway and flung open the door with my music (as usual) up full blast on Sunday night oldies. I leaned over the passenger seat to pick up the hot bag containing the pizzas, and someone was trying to get into the car with me. Now, I didn't think too much of it, since so far, the entire circumstance was wierd, but I punched off the radio and turned to give the person getting into the car with me a hard time, but... instead .... I was face to face with a LARGE, BLACK, PANTING WROUGHWILER FACE. He was about four inches from my nose and had me nearly paralyzed with his weight. I put the pizzas back down on the seat and put my hands around his face and said something like "Hi, puppy..." twisting my hands clockwise, and counter clockwise around his face. About that time, I realized I could hear a woman's voice yelling with panic... "BEAR! BEAR! COME HERE! BEAR!"... I laughed and pushed him outside of the car, put my feet on the ground (still sitting in the driver's seat) and continued to rub his huge head. He was a big baby - if intimidation was their plan - it had backfired. I got out of the car- she was running toward the car screaming an appology at me. I reached down to scratch Bear's head again and said, "Oh- that's OK, but I think he wants first dibs on the pizza". A relaxed look came over her face as she stopped running and her shoulders dropped with relief. Bear had not eaten the pizza guy. WHEW!! I walked around the car and got the pizzas out of the other side, and we walked together back to the house. The rest was uneventful - exchanged money and food - she appologzied a few more times and that was it. From assuming to "this is probably a bogus order" to a bear hug ... it was worth working past closing time that night! |