CURBSIDE ETIQUETTE

Through the Eyes of a Delivery Goddess





Below you will find links to dates when new entries are added. The stories will not necessarily be in chronological order, but rather as I remember them. I am dating them so that you can skip to new ones you haven't read since the last time you visited, and so that you are more easily able to find something you found humorous to share with others.



Life in Reverse


We had a couple days of snow, so I was delivering pizza in my truck (four wheel drive) since many people don't see the need to clear their driveways, even if they're having things delivered to the house. It was dark and overcast - not even the moonlight to brighten the world around me. I turned up a driveway that was at least 50 yards long, and since it was up a slight grade, it was designed with an "S" shape in it to make it easier to navigate in slick weather. I'm not altogether certain why the asphalt sealer that makes asphalt like a sheet of ice, even in just a heavy dew, has been approved, but everyone seems to think that's the ideal thing to put on their driveways. Nevermind you can't drive or stand up on it on any day but a bone-dry day, it looks pretty. This particular household had gone to the trouble of clearing the driveway, but not the turn-around at the top, and there was one car parked outside of the double garage, so there was really no place to turn around once I reached the house. I took the pizza to the porch, and after we did the exchange, the fellow said to me, "You have four wheel drive - feel free to pull into the yard to get turned around, I don't want you to have to back down this driveway in the dark." I said, "Sir, I spend most of my life in reverse - that's why I'm a pizza driver and not a brain surgeon." He chuckled, but said again, "Well - go ahead and turn in the yard". I just said, "OK" and climbed into the truck. My mother would be proud (explanation to follow) that I put it in reverse, never turned around -used the side mirrors to back up - and flew down the driveway in reverse at about 30 mph. When I got to the bottom, my headlights shined across his face, and I THINK I saw his open mouth taking up most of his face, even from the road. I never veered off of the pavement (thank goodness).

Now, the reason my mother would be proud - (I hope you added a hint of sarcasm to that comment as you read it.) When I was learning to drive, her biggest complaint was that I went to fast in reverse. I will never forget driving to Foodland one afternoon, and when I backed out of the parking space, I backed out at a snail's pace. She didn't even get the words out of her mouth ... "now that's more like it" ... and I slammed it into first gear (I've never driven anything but manual transmissions) and popped the clutch, squealing the tires right there in place. I made sure I pushed the clutch back in before the car lunged forward; I didn't want to hit or even scare anyone else in the parking lot, but ... it's a good thing my mother has a good sense of humor. Hey, I'm still alive, right? And I think she's still laughing ... maybe...