CURBSIDE ETIQUETTE

Through the Eyes of a Delivery Goddess



Below you will find links to dates when new entries are added. The stories will not necessarily be in chronological order, but rather as I remember them. I am dating them so that you can skip to new ones you haven't read since the last time you visited, and so that you are more easily able to find something you found humorous to share with others.
Curbside Etiquette Is...


Curbside Etiquette is... The 25 year old punk who comes outside in ripped-off sweats, no socks or shirt, and waves his arms frantically to get my attention. He motions for me to pull into the driveway and up to the house - reaches out his hand with something in it. I get out of the car, and as I take the $5 from his hand he tells me (not asks, but TELLS), "Hey- how about tossing the paper onto my porch so I don't have to get dressed in the morning to get my paper. .. Thanks".

Did he really just admit to me he was lazy? .. and, Does he really think that $5 is enough for even one DAY of that request??
Curbside Etiquette is...
Being atimate about having your paper put into your tube (paper box), but then stacking your garbage in front of your mailbox so that both the mailman and paper boy have to get out of their vehicles. Let's not forget the recycle bins that make tons of noise when hit at night, too.
Curbside Etiquette is...
The idiot living in the culdesac who dumps a huge pile of black mulch in the middle of the culdesac so when the paper boy drives around at night, he's already plowed into the black mountain in the black night before he's realized it.
Curbside Etiquette is...
All of the pretty posies that grow SO tall planted all around the mailbox post - did it ever occur to anyone that your paperboy has to reach INTO that Bee Speakeasy in the middle of the dark night? Of course not!
Curbside Etiquette is...
Ordering a pizza, then tying your two huge, hungry wroughtweilers to the lamp post right about the time the delivery boy will bring your food.
Curbside Etiquette is...
Requesting your paper be delivered to your porch which is close enough to the driveway that the paper boy doesn't have to get out of the car, then cluttering up the openning to the porch with fancy ceramic plant pots and glass trinkets that look pretty in the sun and wind. Did you forget we are throwing an awkwardly folded newspaper wrapped in a parachute into a dark 18" square openning between the clutter outside in the wind and NOT an aerodynamically shaped dart inside a well-lit, non-windy room?

Curbside Etiquette is...
Ordering a pizza, then doing any one of the following, and don't EVEN think it hasn't happend to every pizza delivery person out there....
  • A) Getting into the shower so that you can't get to the door right away. When you DO answer the door, your money is upstairs in the bathroom in the pocket of your jeans.
  • B) Running the sweeper about the time the pizza is to be delivered, drowning out the doorbell.
  • C) Coming to the door in such a manner that the delivery person KNOWS he's interrupted an intimate moment.

    Why would you do these things BEFORE the pizza comes??? This is one of the many advantages of having a cell phone and the recipient's phone number - you'd be suprised where people will take a phone.

    		•
    Curbside Etiquette is...
    Setting the sprinker system to conveniently commence at a time in which you KNOW your paper will have already arrived in the morning, then asking for credit because your paper's wet - (even though it didn't rain).
    Curbside Etiquette is...
    Claiming to be handicapped and demanding porch delivery just to be selfish, then making sure every light in and outside of the house is not on so that the paper boy falls up your broken down, narrow cement steps in the dark.

    Is your Home Owner's paid up??
    Curbside Etiquette is...
    Requesting a paper tube, then mounting it so far to the back of the mailbox, and so far down, that your paper boy would need to be gumby to reach it. Here's a tip: drive your car around beside your mailbox. If you can't reach the paper to pull it out WITHOUT opening yourcar door, it's too low, or too far back.

    **TUBE: The company that makes the majority of the plastic paper boxes is called DuraTube. Newspaper companies and supply outlets all just call them TUBES.**
    Curbside Etiquette is...
    Demanding a paper tube while you live on a hairpin bend on the brow of a hill. Use the same tip from above: Pull up beside your mailbox and just TRY to get your paper out. It's a pretty good indicator.If you fear for your LIFE because you're car sticks out into traffic on a main road on a hairpin bend you shouldn't even HAVE a tube. I mean, if you're afraid to sit in your car long enough to retrieve your paper, what makes you think we are NOT afraid to deliver it! Keep in mind, we are on the WRONG side of the road in the middle of the night. Seriously - test it with your own car.
    Curbside Etiquette is...
    And, how about those parents who have not taught their kids to put away their toys at night. Any guesses on how many bikes, skateboards, Barbie Dolls, Frisbees and pedalcars we've run over laying a few feet into the street by the mailbox in the dark?