Through the Eyes of a Delivery Goddess |
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This was a special request from Bob, who thought you'd all enjoy this long, ongoing story as much as he did. I should have known there would be a problem when the driveway was numbered out of sequence. I guess since it was a long driveway, the Postal Service, or the emergency services - whomever is in charge of numbering houses figured that 4800 is where the HOUSE actually is, but the driveway comes out on the main road between 4970 and 4976. After delivering enough pizza and papers, you learn to drive a few tenths either direction, just in case things are wierd like that. I drove up the long, asphalt-sealed driveway lined with landscaping lights - those little rail-road looking lanterns that are perched on a 6" post - you've seen them. When I got out of the car to approach the doorway ( I rarely shine my lights toward a house ) she shut off the spotlight so that I tripped over the four inch high cement patio. (Indication number TWO). I had a different experience each time took a pizza to this door - the first experience ended with her opening the front door, in the dark, with an unbuttoned down-the-front house coat. When she was ready to count out the money for me, she turned the spot lights BACK on, exposing her nude body underneath the open robe. No fellas - it was not something you'd be itching to come back to see again. She was in her mid- to late-thirties, I'd say. She was trim, but the elevator obviously did not make it the entire way to the top. She handed me money, I handed her food, she shut the door and as I turned to walk away from the door, she turned the spotlight back OFF in time for me to fall down off of the four inch drop at the edge of the patio. I swear I heard her laugh behind the door. The next time, it was earlier in the evening, no need for spotlights. This visit went somewhat smoothly, except that she gave me an entire piggy bank full of change, which I did NOT take time to count at the door. The gal who had to count the cash register that night was probably NOT happy with me, but what was I supposed to do? Another time, it was dark again, and the spotlights were on. I parked the car so that the lights shined partially on the patio this time. Fool me once...... Anyway, She did not shut the light off on me this time, but she held back part of hte payment until I handed her the food. She always got a ham hoagie with the same wierd stuff on it - I don't quite recall now what was on it, but things that no one else would consider, like anchovies or something. I just remember it being smelly and wierd. After I handed her the bag of food, she held out her hand with a stack of quarters and nickels between her thumb and index finger. She held it, waiting for me to hold out my hands to catch it, but when I did, she pulled her hand quickly to the right and simultaneously shut off the spotlight, the runway lights and dropped the coins onto the ground. My guess is there was probably between two and three dollars worth of change. I left it there. I didn't even bend over to pick on one coin. Sometimes, it's just not worth the aggrevation, ya know? |