Through the Eyes of a Delivery Goddess |
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In the past, I've tried to think of any wildlife stories I might have to share. Most of my experiences are the typical experiences that everyone has had; a deer or raccoon running out in front of you and slamming on the brakes to avoid creating a gourmet lunch for future burmside visitors. Well, yesterday morning, I saw one of the funniest things I think I can remember seeing. I spent the day trying to recall the funniest, scariest, most unique and-so-on animal encounters I've had over the years. I'm certain some of you have experienced similar, but there are a couple I don't think anyone else can truthfully brag about. Yesterday was a dark fall morning, it was about 6am as I was driving back a private driveway when my high beams picked up some motion scurrying off to my left. I was already travelling fairly slow; high speed on gravel at 6am can wake the even the soundest of sleepers. I slowed down even a bit more so I could clearly identify the opossum that was barely tall enough to be visible over the grassy hillside on my left. As he got closer to the edge of the driveway, the grass thinned, and I could see him plainly. Lining the left side of the drive was a drainage ditch about ten inches deep in my best estimation. I'm not exactly sure what happened, I mean, afterall, the little fellow's feet were so short, I really couldn't see his exact footing, but as he got to the edge of the ditch, somehow he flipped over his nose long-ways, litterally end over end. His back end dropped down into the bottom of the ditch as he flipped over another 180 degrees onto his feet again, which brought him up to the opposing edge of the ditch. His feet were still running - he never missed a beat. He shuffled quickly across the driveway to avoid the big machine with the bright lights coming toward him, and off into the night. I thought I would not be able to stop laughing. So, I believe, that is the funniest animal encounter I can remember. I believe my second funniest encounter, though not while I was delivering papers or pizzas - but I was out driving, is one to which no one else can compare. One night just after midnight, I was driving home from a friend's house on a moderately busy two lane rural paved road. (Route 66 through Gilpin Township, for those of you who might be familiar.) As a teenager, I suppose I was probably travelling ten miles over the speed limit, but c'mon - who really drives at 45 miles per hour, anyway? Ahead of me, just outside the reach of my high beams, I could see something that looked like a log on end. I started to slow down while trying to decide exactly how tall it was, and if my Subaru's eight inches of extra high ground clearance would make it over top, or was I going to have to swerve to the center of the road? As I started to push harder on the brakes, I decided it was more than a foot "tall" and I would have to swerve, so as I moved my hands on the steering wheel, my lights caught a spinning motion, and two bright eyes staring back at me. It took me SO much by suprise, I couldn't even swerve before I gave some poor owl a really bad headache. I stopped directly over him; I could hear his wings fluttering under my car. My first thought was to open the door and peer underneath the car, but not knowing much about owls, I was afraid it would be frightened and peck away at my face. [no laughing, that was a serious consideration.] So ... I waited. I heard a couple of bumps and thought I could feel them through my floor board; chills were starting to run up my spine as I thought more deeply about the condition of the bird under my car. When the fluttering stopped, motion out the driver's side window of my car caught my attention. This poor owl staggered like he'd had just five too many shots of the finest Tiquilla, across the opposing side of the blacktop, and down into the field. I have no idea at what point my mind subconsciously flipped on my hazzard lights, but their clicking caught my attention, so I turned them off, went to the next intersection about 50 yards up the road and turned around to drive back past the crime scene. I turned my car slightly to shine my lights into the field, but could not see anything moving. The next day, I stopped along the side of the road, but again, did not see any signs of the victim from the night before. My guess is that he was home with an ice pack on his poor head and a bottle of aspirin at his bedside. ... Almost unbelievable. I have one more shot of humor from where else, but Crybaby Condos. As I've explained in the past, each driveway passes by the front door of two condos, adjoined in the middle. I drove to the end of the driveway in front of the inner-most condo, and just outside of my open driver's window, a swishing noise startled me. I stopped to look out the window - I could see the back end of a skunk sticking out of a small paper bag. Sure, I should have gingerly backed out of the driveway ... but ... I just couldn't. I quietly let out a sharp, "HEY!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" He responded by fighting his way in reverse out of the paper bag and taking a few defensive steps slowly backward once he cleared the bag. It was almost like he thought that if he moved slowly enough, I wouldn't see his bright white stripe running down his back in the black of the night. When he jerked around to run away, I floored the gas, figuring he was going to spray my car out of fear (or spite?). I didn't smell any evidence of his retalliation, if there was any retalliation to smell, but I also didn't stick around any longer than necessary just to find out if he did indeed leave his calling card. I think the most unique animal I've seen while out delivering was a poorly pigmented deer. The best way I can describe her, is if you can imagine dangling this poor doe by her back legs, and dipping her into a big tub of bleach. From the center of her torso to the tip of her nose, she was as close to albino as any animal could be; pink eyes, pink nose and white as the North Pole snow. From her center to the tip of her fluffy tail, she was as brown as any other normal deer. I saw her for a few weekends, but that was all. I hate to think that her cotton white coloring made her an easy target, but I'm certain I would have seen her again if she was still around. Truly a freak of my lifetime. As for scarey - I think I'll have to ponder that one. I just don't remember any animal stories that were scarey to me, at least none while I was out delivering or driving around. I guess that will be a good topic for a furture Curbside Etiquette installment, especially since this one has become a little lengthy. |