CURBSIDE ETIQUETTE

Through the Eyes of a Delivery Goddess





Below you will find links to dates when new entries are added. The stories will not necessarily be in chronological order, but rather as I remember them. I am dating them so that you can skip to new ones you haven't read since the last time you visited, and so that you are more easily able to find something you found humorous to share with others.



Open Sesame


This will take some describing so that you might understand just how amazing this delivery was, so bear with me...

From my persective, I'd like to describe the "lay of the land" for you. The road past this particular customer's home is a slight uphill incline. From the edge of the road (it's more like a back alley - barely wide enough for two cars to pass in opposite directions), the yard angles downward toward the house - I'd say total vertical drop is around four or five feet. The yard meets up with a porch; a cement slab elevated on a dozen or so courses of cement block and cement steps leading to the porch from the left (from MY left). Since the porch is not right on the ground, but several feet up off of the ground, the porch is actually about the same horizontal level as my car as I drive by. In other words, if I were to lay a plank between myself and the front door - it would be nearly horizontal/level. The total distance between the edge of the road and the edge of the porch is close to twenty feet. The steps and porch have a plain, wrought iron rail and banister around the perimeter. Half way between the road and the porch is a tree - the branches hang down in my line of fire, so in order to hit the porch with the newspaper, I have to swoop the paper in a downward motion, but put a vertical spin on it so it dips down, but ends with an upward motion high enough to make it over the railing. (Air friction plays a big factor, here). The size of the porch is about four feet by five feet wide - not an overly large target from the twenty-foot distance at the street. I'd say that about 75% of the time, I actually make it on the porch. These folks really did not request porch delivery, but they're older folks, and besides, it's a challenge. Another important fact you need to know, is that I don't slow down driving past the house - I maintain about 15 mph. To hit a target, one must determine how early to throw the paper, according to how fast one's moving.

So now you have a mental picture of this old mining house. Like every morning, I was driving up the hill, trying to determine the exact moment to let go of the paper and include the dipping motion - just as I let go of the paper, an older woman, I'd say at least eighty years old, opened the door in her house coat to see if the paper was there yet. You guessed it - the paper whizzed past her ankles, through the open door, and into the livingroom. I only had a chance to watch her head make a "double-take" motion before I was too far up the street - I don't know if she took time to look out into the street for me or not.

Sometimes, I even impresses maself!